My cousin is getting married this summer. I love my cousin, and I love his soon-to-be wife. They are both musicians, they are both funny, and they are both smart. I am going to drive all the way to Penetanguishene and back in one weekend because I love them that much. The Tang, folks. I'm driving to the Tang for them.
But you know what I don't like? Gift registries. Especially theirs.
Don't get me wrong - the things they've listed are all useful, and the products they chose are probably very tasteful. But these are not things I would EVER buy someone for a wedding. Actually, I would never buy someone these things for any occasion. Ever.
For me, if someone cares enough about marriage to have a nice, meaningful ceremony and to get all their loved ones together to help them celebrate, than I care enough not to get them a salad spinner so they can get their new life started. I mean, really. A fucking towel? A towel to celebrate your love? A wooden spoon? NO.
Should I choose to go with the registry (I suspect I have a higher chance of growing testicles), these are some of my options:
a. Paper towel holder (wall mounted)
b. Large jelly roll pan
c. Pyrex flavour saver
d. Two-tier drying rack
e. Petal colander
f. Black potato peeler
g. Garlic press
In case you didn't notice, there is a FLAVOUR SAVER listed there. Just thought I would point that out. To save the flavour.
Now I have to start thinking of something for them that I actually want to spend my money on. I'm not going to get them something useless, but I'll be damned if I'm going to order a fucking garlic press for my darling cousin. I'd rather get them a big gift certificate to Home Depot so they can keep renovating their home. Not super personal, but a whole lot better than the alternative.
Whew. Okay. I'm done now.
(Should my cousin ever stumble across this posting, I love you to bits, but I would like to have a word with the person who helped you pick this stuff out at the store... Did you notice that you've signed up for a large jelly roll pan?)